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The Knife and the box

We thought we’d like to help break up the monotony of your day by telling you a story.


It’s a heart wrenching and tear jerking roller coaster journey of one man’s mission to break into and break down a cardboard box from his favourite online retailer ‘Heinnie Haynes’.


In order to stop the paparazzi from tracking this individual down and hoisting him out into the spotlight, we will call him Gandalf.


It all started the day before . . . ‘Gandalf’ woke up and did the usual things you do in the morning before work. He then left for work as usual (so far so good). This is where his life was changed forever.


The reason why is simple. Gandalf works for a small company that has lots of things delivered on a daily basis. That day happened to be one of the busiest days of the year for his company, and you guessed it everyone is ill (well we say everyone, we actually mean like 6 people out of 30 or so). Moving on with this tragic tale, Gandalf was asked to cover one of these members of staff who had let illness get the better of them.


This part is tricky so bear with us . . . His job was to simply receive deliveries, un-box the items and put them in a designated area (simple right?). Apparently this wasn’t so simple, because Gandalf didn’t own a UK friendly knife. As you can now imagine the boxes saw this as their opportunity to fight back. This also happened to be a day where whoever originally packed the box used a full roll of tape per box just to make you suffer. Yes, you know the boxes, the ones that are wrapped so tightly in tape it feels like you’ll never get inside.


Sorry, we got side-tracked. Ok, so now Gandalf was then left with little options. Firstly he tried brute strength, trying to smash open boxes with knuckle and fingers and before long it was pretty evident that was a failure (we’ve all been there). On to option 2 – Keys. Ahhh yes he thought, and to be fair for a while it worked alright. The boxes wit the extra wrapping were a bit of a handful but manageable.


This was an ongoing struggle throughout the day, but eventually Gandalf clocked off work at 2pm (don’t ask why so early, it’s just a story). Hands were still throbbing and scratched up from his earlier battles, but he knew in his heart every box conquered was a little triumph. He even jested with some of the other guys and girls who worked there about how efficient his keys were at opening boxes. Then off home he went . . .


Just as Gandalf was leaving work storm clouds appeared over-head (yes, it’s a classic), this meant driving home in torrential downpours. All was fine though and Gandalf made it home safety (phew). He runs up to his front door, puts his key in and finds it doesn’t work. So the rain’s pouring and Gandalf’s stood there trying any which way to get his key to work, but it simply won’t. Can you guess why? Well it was obviously because he had not only blunted down the key, but he had also managed to snap off a small piece of the key during ‘box wars’.

Not all is lost though, just as he’s still battling with the key and the door, his wife comes home, and after approximately 5-10 minutes of hysterical laughing, she eventually lets him in.


Gandalf’s pretty fed up by this point and concedes defeat that actually he may need a little UK friendly carry knife that he can take to work, just in case of those tricky little moments again. So like any sane and rational person he goes onto Heinnie Haynes, chooses a knife and orders it. He doesn’t end up just ordering a knife though; he ends up spending nearly a months wages on just pure awesomeness


The next day Gandalf heads to work (back in the office part this time), works until 2pm again, then heads home. He gets into the house (using the spare house key), and finds there has been a delivery and it’s been left with next door.


First thought he has is, what have I ordered? The second thought, came after realising it’s from Heinnie Haynes is, how flipping quick was that?


So he collects the box, thanks the neighbours, goes back into his house. Set’s the box upon the table, and then thinks how am I going to get into this box now then???


(Cue abrupt cliff-hanger ending)



If you enjoyed the adventure of Gandalf and want to hear more, please leave a comment and let us know!


5 thoughts on “The Knife and the box

  1. Gordy Miller - 2:13 pm 24/06/15

    Heck yeah i want to read more! I at least need to know what knife Gandalf got and if he finished work earlier because he un-boxed quicker. More plz.

  2. Nicolas - 3:41 pm 24/06/15

    Brilliant tale. Oh the woes of the non knife owning public. I am never without a blade of some description on me. And I’ve rescued many a situation with a quick flip and cut. Including opening the many wonderful packets I have received in good time and great order, from

  3. Skraag the Destroyer - 7:03 pm 24/06/15

    Can we submit our own story endings to discover how Gandalf opens the box and the best handful of stories win HH prizes?

    Can I also win a prize for suggesting this awesome idea?


  4. Darkstar - 8:05 pm 24/06/15

    Obviously, he used the sharp edge of his wife’s tongue to open the box. “1 month’s wages….!!!”

  5. […] Opening boxes and letters (see our knife and a box post) […]

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